• Hayatti Rahgeni

My Thoughts on Suicide

I found out recently that someone in the community that I am in had committed suicide.


To be honest, I had never expected that to happen among the people in this specific community where each one of us works on ourselves to increase our light. Therefore to hear anyone in this community succumbed to their darkness was difficult for me to take.



However, this has made me realized that wherever we are in our journey, we need to be aware of our own darkness. When we are aware then we can keep ourselves in check. I had assumed that once someone is on the path of light, then they wouldn't be consumed by their darkness. Clearly, I am wrong.


In my view, the simplest form of our inner darkness is negative beliefs and thoughts that we have running around in our head. When we are unaware of them, then it is highly probable that they are the ones running our lives.

With awareness, we can then consistently monitor the thoughts that are in our head so we don't be consumed by them.


I am no stranger to suicidal thoughts.


I was a suicidal person more than a decade ago.


I didn't have good beliefs and thoughts about myself nor other people around me. My mind was constantly berating me and often I felt mentally suffocated. Whenever there was too much negativity in my head, I couldn't stand listening to them and I constantly had the thoughts to end my life just so I wouldn't hear them anymore.


I honestly thought that there was no one else who went through a similar situation.

At that time, I didn't know that I needed help.

I suffered mentally and emotionally in silence for years.

I also felt very much alone.


I remember that one day I thought of ending my life. I told myself that I was done living. I was done suffering. I didn't want to live anymore. I just wanted all of "this" to be over.


That was when I heard a completely different voice in my head that said, "If you do it, you're going to regret it for the rest of your life."


I was shocked to hear that voice.

After I had gotten over my shock, I decided to believe the voice and stop thinking about wanting to end my life.

It wasn't easy.

Every time I caught myself thinking of wanting to end my life, I reminded myself that I would regret it forever. (Now that I know more about karma, and what suicide does to our karma, I am grateful that I didn't end my life).


From there onwards, despite reminding myself to not commit suicide, I wasn't entirely choosing to live. There were still thoughts like "I wish all of "this" to be over", "I wish that I'm dead", "There's no point for me to live", etc.

I was barely surviving.

I continued to suffer.


At some point in those years, I had a nudge to look for help via the internet. I somehow had a belief that there had to be a way out of my suffering otherwise there was no point for me to continue living.

That was when I stumbled upon energy healing.

From there, I started my journey to heal myself. I bought various energy healing programs, attended a few seminars, had coaching sessions and healing sessions with many healers.


It took one healing session that I had with a healer for me to realize that I had wanted to go "home". That was the reason why I didn't want to live anymore and why I was just waiting for death. It was then clear to me why I had thoughts like "I wish all of "this" to be over", "I wish that I'm dead", "There's no point for me to live", etc.

Wanting to go "home" was also the reason why I didn't put much effort into "living" in the physical world.

Once I realized that "home" is here on this planet earth, I chose to live.

I made an agreement with myself to live my best life.

I also chose to no longer entertain suicidal thoughts in my head.


I am here.

I am alive still.

Despite being suicidal in the past.


I have learned that all my sufferings were caused by negative beliefs and thoughts in my head.

It is never a positive belief or thought that causes anyone to suffer.

It's always negative beliefs or thoughts that cause us to experience mild to extreme suffering.


A seminar that I attended a decade ago thought me that I am responsible for the thoughts that are in my head.

Once I realized that I am responsible for any thoughts, especially negative thoughts, I can do something about them.

I can choose to not give power to negative thoughts.

I can check in with myself on what the negative thoughts are about and I can dismantle negative beliefs to reveal lies that were disguised as truth.

This made me realized that I am truly responsible for my own mental health.

I then chose to no longer be a victim of my previously toxic mind.


Understanding that I am responsible for my own thoughts was the biggest thing that has helped me to go through this dark period of my life.


If you have suicidal thoughts, my advice to you is to get help.

Help is available everywhere and in various forms.

Help can be in the form of:

Someone trusted lending their ears/shoulder.

Be in a support group.

Seeing therapists or psychotherapists.

Get coached by coaches.

Have healing sessions with healers.

Attend seminars/programs in self-development.


The list goes on and on.


The journey to heal yourself starts from admitting that you need help. And from there you look for the right fit for you.

In my experience, out of the so many books, audios, coaching sessions, healing sessions, seminars and programs that I have bought ever since I started to look for help, I came across very few healers and teachers that I resonated with. Each has helped to shape me to be an empowered person. If I didn't follow through with my nudge, I doubt that I am the person that I am today.


The more that we "help" ourselves, the greater the opportunities for us to heal.


I understand that it is very tempting to recluse yourself, thinking that you are alone.

You are not alone.

There are many out there who experience the same thing. And the good news is there are many among us, myself included, who experienced it and managed to overcome suicidal tendencies.

For me, it took years to get myself out of the suicidal mode. In all those years, being alone by myself with suicidal thoughts didn't help at all. Being alone while at that state makes this even worst.

The times when I wasn't thinking about suicides were when I was at work and spending time with my siblings.


Distractions such as drugs, alcohol, etc are never the answer.

I get the appeal of drugs and alcohol. They get us high, numb our feelings so we don't feel our pain and suffering.

Escaping from feeling our pain and suffering via drugs and alcohol is only a temporary fix. Once the high is over, we are back to reality. We are back to being haunted by suicidal thoughts and mean voices in our head.

In my experience, these mean voices and suicidal thoughts won't go away if we don't address them.


If you know that you are suffering mentally or emotionally or you have suicidal thoughts, it is time for you to come out of the darkness.

I encourage you to get help.

Help is here.

And help is available.


If that suicidal woman was able to find her inner strength to look for help, so can you.

If that suicidal woman was able to find the right help for her, so can you.

If that suicidal woman was able to break free from her suicidal tendencies and live her life fully, so can you.

It might take months or years, but the most important thing for you to do is to take the steps toward healing yourself.


If you feel the nudge to help yourself and you would like to start small, I have created energy-infused clearing audio called PEACE.

It contains energy clearing to help you feel at peace mentally and emotionally. You can sit and relax while you listen to this audio or you can also meditate with it. Set your intention to release anything non-beneficial for you before listening to the audio.


You can download PEACE for free here.


If however, you are ready to begin your healing journey, you can start with Activate Peace Within.


Activate Peace Within is an energy clearing session for the mind.

It is designed to clear negative thoughts, disintegrate non-beneficial thought patterns and quiet down disempowering self-talk.

This clearing session can help with having a calm, quiet mind or experience mental and emotional peace.


For more information click here.


P.S Help me to increase mental illness awareness by sharing this post with anyone whom you feel might benefit from it.



Peace & Love,



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