How to be at peace with the death of a loved one
Talking about death is uncomfortable.
It's uncomfortable to think that the people that we love including ourselves will die someday in the future.
I bring up this topic because one of my aunts passed away a few days ago.
Her death reminded me of the two other deaths that had affected me deeply.
One was my late cousin when I was a teenager, and another one was my late mother when I was a young adult.
With my late cousin's death, I felt incredibly overwhelmed at his unexpected departure. I couldn't believe that he was gone. At that time, I never experienced losing someone before. The pain was unbearable. My feelings were too much for me to handle, and I didn’t know how to process the intense feelings of loss, sorrow and deep sadness.
With my late mother's sudden death, I took a different route entirely. I shut down my feelings because I thought that I had to remain strong for my siblings. I can tell you that's the wrong approach to deal with losing one's mother. And since I didn't process my feelings properly, later it took way too much time for me to be at peace with her death.
In this post, I'd like to share how I finally become at peace with my mother's death.
I hope by my sharing my perspective, it can help bring insights into a similar situation that you've experienced or currently experience in your life.
After my mother had died, I went through the stages of grief that stretched for more than 5 years. I was in a bit of denial for a few years, and then I became super f*cking angry at God for taking my mother away from me. At that time, I couldn't accept that it was her time to leave and move on.
I had felt guilty for several years and I had regrets. The biggest regret that I had was she didn't get to see all of her grandchildren.
I also became depressed for several years. I had questions that were left unanswered. Such as why did she leave my siblings and I? Why did she die the way she did? Why couldn't she wait until much later in life?
Along the way of my grieving process, the only way for me to be okay with her death was knowing that she had suffered enough in her life and so when she died, she was relieved of her pain and suffering.
It has been more than a decade since my mother's death. Since then, I've learned a few things that have helped me to be completely at peace with her death.
I found out from a few of my spiritual teachers years ago that we are souls that are having a human experience.
Our souls had made agreements and signed contracts at the soul-level before we were even conceived.
Our souls chose who they wanted as our parents, spouse, children, etc. What kind of experiences that they wanted to experience and what lessons they wanted to learn and master in every lifetime.
With this knowledge, I put the pieces together which give me a different perspective that has helped me tremendously.
I believe that my mother's soul had signed a contract that said she would die due to a heart attack before any of her children got married, and therefore, she wouldn't know all of her grandchildren.
Her soul had made that choice for herself pre-birth. There is nothing that I could do to change that. What I could do is to see and accept what's done is done.
I was finally able to accept that my mother died because her soul chose to leave at that particular time and circumstances.
If you find that this is a strange way of looking at how to be at peace with someone's death, I understand completely.
Looking at my mother's death from this perspective made complete sense to me and all my questions were answered.
For some people that I know, they can accept that someone died because of God's will. Unfortunately, with the state of mind that I was in during that time, God's will wasn't a good enough reason for me. It was one more reason for me to be angry at God. I felt I needed one good "solid" reason for me to finally accept my mother's death. It seems the contract perspective makes perfect sense to me.
Since then, this is how I cope with deaths in general. By adopting this perspective, it has helped me to move forward easily and quickly. By doing so, I honor their souls by letting him/her go.
I know from personal experience that grieving isn't easy. Moving on from a loved one's death is even harder.
What we can do to make the grieving process easier is by finding ways for us to finally accept that it is the end of their physical life, it is time for their soul to move on and to let them go.
For me, it doesn't matter what perspective we choose to help us to move on from someone's death, whether it is a spiritual reason or a religious reason. What matters is as long as those reasons can help move us into genuine acceptance.
The sooner we can accept their death, we cut short our grieving process, and we can gracefully move on with life.
Grieving for years isn't healthy for anyone. It doesn't benefit us in any other way. It's only going to hurt us even more as well as other people around us.
While I acknowledge that different people go through the grieving process differently, I wouldn't recommend stretching the process for more than two years. If we grief for too long, we will become stuck and it will become challenging for us to want to move on. I experienced this firsthand and I was unable to live my life fully for years until I was completely at peace with my mother's death.
If you are currently grieving or have been for years and you need support to help you move forward, check out Unleash Your Authenticity.
Unleash Your Authenticity is an emotional healing session.
The purpose is to clear emotional blockages and to release suppressed emotions that keep you stuck and prevent you from being present and moving forward in life.
It is designed for those who desire relief from emotional pain such as deep sorrow, sadness, depression, grief, loneliness, etc. As a result of clearing the emotional pain, you get to be the real you minus the emotional pain. You will feel different and how you experience yourself will be different.
If you feel that this healing is for you, then I encourage you to book a session with me. I have opened up a few slots for this week.
To find out more about Unleash Your Authenticity, click here.
I look forward to support you on your journey.
Peace & Love,